Wrangler Adventures Pt. 1

This series is in reponse to Manly Poetry Man's recent article about his old '74 Cherokee and the fun times he's had in that old bucket. Hopefully he and I will keep the volley going a little while. My bucket is more of an old tool box on wheels, painted black, with mud-splattered license plates and a long-expired factory warranty. Not much bodywork. I got the Wrangler new back in '99 and immediately armed it for off-road service with a brush guard, tail light guards and 31" BFG All Terrains. With that, the honeymoon was over. Broke it in on the 62 mile stretch of beach known as Padre Island National Seashore and after it was through cutting its teeth there and in northern New Mexico I started taking it on longer camping trips to Big Bend National Park in West Texas.

If you're not familiar with the Big Bend area, it's a vast, mountainous desert on the Mexican border which receives few visitors at any time of year other than Spring Break in March. At one time ranchers ran cattle there and failed. At one time a candellaria factory operated there and failed. At one time a quicksilver (Mercury) mine was running there. After World War 1 it failed and started to crumble back down the mountain. Pancho Villa staged his infamous raids across the border there. An army outpost once sought to protect American interests for awhile. It failed. It's one of the hottest, most desolate and uninviting places in the country. Time generally seems to have started standing still in Big Bend around the 1930's. Even the Texas Rangers said "screw this" after awhile. Aside from a few park service employees, hardly anyone actually lives there. It's pretty much hell on earth and yeah, you guessed it, just the perfect place for a "guy trip."

Back in May of 2001 the four of us set out in two vehicles - my Wrangler and my brother's black Defender 90. Both cars wore safari tops only. To accomodate a week's worth of gear and essentials in such small vehicles we'd pulled out the rear seats and equipped them both with clever dual-level storage platforms in back. Even covered them with heavy duck-canvas tarps which laced through a series of eye-hooks fitted to the plywood flooring. In addition I had a hitch carrier loaded down with a huge cooler, two small grills and a few folding chairs behind the bumper. We not only looked like we were headed for an expedition down the Congo, after a few hours on the road we began to think that way too. Eating giant bugs at highway speeds does that to you.

On our way into the park my brother started the body count ticking by running over a large rattlesnake. It proceeded to do weird "spirals", twirling across the pavement in front of me. He later said he felt bad, just didn't see it until it was too late. You dare not swerve with that much survival gear on board or you might break your precious life-giving bottles of gin.

After finally reaching the park, finding it nearly deserted, and quickly choosing our campsites, riding out over high-clearance trails that first afternoon was about as good as it gets. "We" were my brother Randall, a friend of his friend up from Florida, Bill, and me and our George Clooney-esque cousin Sean. We ignored the bad snake omen earlier that day and were slow in setting up our tents in spite of the fact that the weather was getting bad off in the mountains. It had been a long, dusty day so we chose to drink instead.

Sitting outside Roy's Peak Vista in the camp chairs, sipping on gin and tonics, we watched an evening storm grow intense along the Sierra del Carmen range and joked about how we wouldn't want to be those poor saps we could see in the distance who had made camp high along the range. They were getting pounded. Their lanterns began going out. Lightning was everywhere. We even began to feel concerned for them. And then, we began slowly noticing, the wind was picking up a little. The dry desert air felt moist of a sudden. Those impressive displays of lightning seemed to be getting more and more impressive. In fact, it was heading our way. It was now dark out, and not a one of us had set our tents up yet. I sensed the body count was about to rise before long. And I was soon to be proven right.